So yeah... not a big deal, I only just flew all the way to Ohio to hear Beth sing for a huge 400 people audience... no biggy....
But yeah.
SHE WAS AMAZING. Better than I've ever seen. Better than me, for sure. And guess what?! Emma's here, too! I actually almost died of smiling when I saw her running to join us to board the plane here. It was such a moment.
Emma and Bethie just went off to get us some ice cream, so I have a moment to blog. I never ever thought Bethie would be so amazing. Of course I thought she was real good, but for a minute there I swear she was Lea Michele from Glee (she plays Rachel). My mouth was gaping open for so long that I could have actually caught flies, and Liz couldn't resist reminding me so.
Emma's great and I'm so glad she's here, but I'm waiting for a minute to talk to Beth about Glee, and all that shmuck, and even maybe Kristy's plot... Em, Beth & I have plans to go dress shopping for the Awards together. I am so excited.
But deep inside, I wish I had been up on that stage with Beth.
But its never going to happen.
Because I'm just not good enough and I can't live the fairytale performer life like my friends.
-Sonali
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Ruthie Has Something To Say
We were all gathered in the living room, and Ruthie was staring around excitedly with a clipboard.
"The awards are this weekend!" Ruthie claimed. Everyone looked around, confused. "I am SO sorry it took so long...." Ruthie blushed. "But I finally have everything under way! If you are confused on the people you can vote for on different categories, search Sonali's blog for a post where she described all the categories."
I blushed at that part and looked at my hands. I could feel my sisters' eyes boring into my back.
"And..." Ruthie was saying. "I've thought very deeply about this, and I think Sonali should sing her own song of choice as an opening act!"
I dropped my needle. The pillow I was embroidering (with the help of Kirsten) clattered to the ground. Me? Sing? Ruthie could not have just said that... it must have been Elizabeth, but she said the wrong name. But Ruthie was nodding excitedly, pointing at ME. My mouth gaped open.
"Oh please, you'll catch flies with your mouth open like that." Elizabeth sneered, and stomped off furiously. I felt terrible, immediately my stomach filled with guilt.
But then my brain let it all soak in.
OH MY GOD, I WAS SINGING AT THE AWARDS!!!
I did a little jump of joy then skipped off to my room.
As I closed the door to my room softly so I could privately rock out to Glee songs, I heard Ruthie ending the family meeting with "Awards this Saturday! Go find your dresses, girls!"
-Sonali
"The awards are this weekend!" Ruthie claimed. Everyone looked around, confused. "I am SO sorry it took so long...." Ruthie blushed. "But I finally have everything under way! If you are confused on the people you can vote for on different categories, search Sonali's blog for a post where she described all the categories."
I blushed at that part and looked at my hands. I could feel my sisters' eyes boring into my back.
"And..." Ruthie was saying. "I've thought very deeply about this, and I think Sonali should sing her own song of choice as an opening act!"
I dropped my needle. The pillow I was embroidering (with the help of Kirsten) clattered to the ground. Me? Sing? Ruthie could not have just said that... it must have been Elizabeth, but she said the wrong name. But Ruthie was nodding excitedly, pointing at ME. My mouth gaped open.
"Oh please, you'll catch flies with your mouth open like that." Elizabeth sneered, and stomped off furiously. I felt terrible, immediately my stomach filled with guilt.
But then my brain let it all soak in.
OH MY GOD, I WAS SINGING AT THE AWARDS!!!
I did a little jump of joy then skipped off to my room.
As I closed the door to my room softly so I could privately rock out to Glee songs, I heard Ruthie ending the family meeting with "Awards this Saturday! Go find your dresses, girls!"
-Sonali
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Don't Stop Believing Pt. 2
I ran up to the list, crossing my fingers. If Erin had been enrolled in school as well, she would have been behind me hugging me for good luck.
The list was a neon pink sheet of paper with bland typewriter printing. GLEE CLUB RESULTS were printed bravely at the top. I squirmed to the front of the crowd.
I read off names... James Harty, Noah Alwoods, Ellen Sanders .... I squealed as I read Bridgette's name. But the list was almost done, and I hadn't seen my name yet. There were a few more names, and my heart was sinking as I read the very last name, almost all hope vanished.
The last name was ELIZABETH COLE, right there, staring at me, straight in the face. Elizabeth had made it, and I hadn't. How in the name of blogging did she even make it to the final auditions? She's terrible. Wait.... oh I can't lie. Elizabeth is actually an amazing singer, and I was just afraid to admit it. No wonder I didn't get in.
I slowly made the walk of doom down the hallway and out of the school. Before I knew it, my feet were walking me towards the sea. I closed my eyes and inhaled as the comforting smell of sea salt met my senses. Maybe some people hated that smell, but I thought it was soothing. I immediately sat down and felt at peace. But underneath all that calming shmuck, my brain was stirring and my insides were burning. I had wanted to be in the Glee Club so badly. I wanted a purpose. How could I ever have even thought maybe I had a destiny? That I had a PURPOSE? I'm useless. I have no talent. My eyes narrowed as I sat down in a criss-cross-applesauce position.
My mouth was forming the words to Don't Stop Believing, and a frown crossed my face as I remembered the whole Glee experience.
The only words that were on my mind all day were:
I didn't make the Glee Club.
-Sonali
The list was a neon pink sheet of paper with bland typewriter printing. GLEE CLUB RESULTS were printed bravely at the top. I squirmed to the front of the crowd.
I read off names... James Harty, Noah Alwoods, Ellen Sanders .... I squealed as I read Bridgette's name. But the list was almost done, and I hadn't seen my name yet. There were a few more names, and my heart was sinking as I read the very last name, almost all hope vanished.
The last name was ELIZABETH COLE, right there, staring at me, straight in the face. Elizabeth had made it, and I hadn't. How in the name of blogging did she even make it to the final auditions? She's terrible. Wait.... oh I can't lie. Elizabeth is actually an amazing singer, and I was just afraid to admit it. No wonder I didn't get in.
I slowly made the walk of doom down the hallway and out of the school. Before I knew it, my feet were walking me towards the sea. I closed my eyes and inhaled as the comforting smell of sea salt met my senses. Maybe some people hated that smell, but I thought it was soothing. I immediately sat down and felt at peace. But underneath all that calming shmuck, my brain was stirring and my insides were burning. I had wanted to be in the Glee Club so badly. I wanted a purpose. How could I ever have even thought maybe I had a destiny? That I had a PURPOSE? I'm useless. I have no talent. My eyes narrowed as I sat down in a criss-cross-applesauce position.
My mouth was forming the words to Don't Stop Believing, and a frown crossed my face as I remembered the whole Glee experience.
The only words that were on my mind all day were:
I didn't make the Glee Club.
-Sonali
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Don't Stop Believing Pt. 1
The Glee Club director, Mrs. Pike called my name from inside the audition room. I got up from the gang of singers practicing their songs in the waiting room and went inside. The lights were dim and it took a minute to adjust to the light. But there on the other side of the room was Mrs. Pike, sitting there in an orange and green striped shirt with a polka dotted vest. I liked Mrs. Pike a lot, she was funky and free-going. Plus she had an AH-MAZ-ING voice.
"What will you be singing today, Sonali?" Mrs. Pike said softly.
"Don't....Don't Stop Believing." I was surprised I even managed to get the words out of my mouth in her presence.
"What a beautiful song! Go right ahead, take your time." She shuffled her papers, preparing to jot notes about my singing.
I squirmed. I fidgeted. And I fumbled around in my brain to find the words to the song. "Oh, um..." I mumbled. How did the song start again?!
But I was still figuring it out when the piano man started to play the intro. OH GOD, I thought.
"Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world..." The words coming out of my mouth sounded feeble. I readied myself. I had to impress Mrs. Pike.
"The smell of wine and cheap perfume! For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on.. strangers, waiting! Up and down the boulevard! Shadows searching in the ni-ight...."
I kept on singing until the end. By the time the song was over, I was breathless. Mrs. Pike raised one eyebrow and said, "That was beautiful, Sonali Beth. Please come back tomorrow at 4:30."
So the day after, I arrived at the auditorium thinking I had made the Glee Club. Nooooot exaaactlyyy. 20 boys and 20 girls were lined up against the stage. I joined the group of girls, all giggling nervously. They had no idea who I was.
A girl came up to me and smiled. "Hi, I'm Bridgette." She had caramel hair and eyes the color of heather. I smiled back. "I'm Sonali." I said.
"Is this your first time auditioning?" I asked Bridgette.
"No, I've been in the Glee Club for a year now, Mrs. Pike usually -"
But Bridgette was cut off as Mrs. Pike explained that she wanted us to work together to sing Give Up The Funk, all the boys AND all the girls. During the song I was pushed and shoved along by the others as I tried to do the choreography. Some of the others sounded WAAY better than me, and I spotted Bridgette singing beautifully. I faltered on the last note.
"Beautiful, everyone. I will have the results up tomorrow." And with that, Mrs. Pike fluttered out of the auditorium, leaving us all there standing like morons.
"What will you be singing today, Sonali?" Mrs. Pike said softly.
"Don't....Don't Stop Believing." I was surprised I even managed to get the words out of my mouth in her presence.
"What a beautiful song! Go right ahead, take your time." She shuffled her papers, preparing to jot notes about my singing.
I squirmed. I fidgeted. And I fumbled around in my brain to find the words to the song. "Oh, um..." I mumbled. How did the song start again?!
But I was still figuring it out when the piano man started to play the intro. OH GOD, I thought.
"Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world..." The words coming out of my mouth sounded feeble. I readied myself. I had to impress Mrs. Pike.
"The smell of wine and cheap perfume! For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on.. strangers, waiting! Up and down the boulevard! Shadows searching in the ni-ight...."
I kept on singing until the end. By the time the song was over, I was breathless. Mrs. Pike raised one eyebrow and said, "That was beautiful, Sonali Beth. Please come back tomorrow at 4:30."
So the day after, I arrived at the auditorium thinking I had made the Glee Club. Nooooot exaaactlyyy. 20 boys and 20 girls were lined up against the stage. I joined the group of girls, all giggling nervously. They had no idea who I was.
A girl came up to me and smiled. "Hi, I'm Bridgette." She had caramel hair and eyes the color of heather. I smiled back. "I'm Sonali." I said.
"Is this your first time auditioning?" I asked Bridgette.
"No, I've been in the Glee Club for a year now, Mrs. Pike usually -"
But Bridgette was cut off as Mrs. Pike explained that she wanted us to work together to sing Give Up The Funk, all the boys AND all the girls. During the song I was pushed and shoved along by the others as I tried to do the choreography. Some of the others sounded WAAY better than me, and I spotted Bridgette singing beautifully. I faltered on the last note.
"Beautiful, everyone. I will have the results up tomorrow." And with that, Mrs. Pike fluttered out of the auditorium, leaving us all there standing like morons.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Don't Stop Believing
Y'know that reputation that Julia promised me?
Well, yeah, um... I didn't get it.
I walked down the halls. Everyone stared. And you know what? Almost everyone was white. How badly I wished as I searched for my classrooms that I was pretty. That I had white skin, maybe...? Oh, thats a waste of time. I'll never be able to have white skin and I know it.
I had 5 classes today, 3 before lunch and 2 after lunch. Science, Math, Language Arts, Spanish and Home Economics. And when no one was looking.. I inched up to the sign up sheet for the Glee Club. There were three names already- Amy Beauregard, Emilynne Peters and *gulp* Elizabeth Cole. Yes, my sister Elizabeth Cole. She already goes to school. So does Felicity, and Julia, of course. If I signed up for Glee Club I would never hear the end of it if I never got it. (and the chances of me not getting in are very great)
But then I remembered how Elizabeth rudely commented on my skin tone in her phone conversation with Kristy the other month. Anger boiled within me, and I took the pen gladly and signed Sonali Beth Matthews with a flower above the "i" in Sonali.
Auditions are tomorrow, but the auditions are for next year's Glee Club. School starts early August. I know, I know, but I was glad. I wouldn't have to wait too long. And then I would have time for the Awards! I grinned. What would I sing? A Glee song, obviously...
I came home from school still thinking about it. Bad Romance? Naw. Jessie's Girl? NO! Hmm... Vogue? No way.
But then I had it.
Don't Stop Believing.
Well, yeah, um... I didn't get it.
I walked down the halls. Everyone stared. And you know what? Almost everyone was white. How badly I wished as I searched for my classrooms that I was pretty. That I had white skin, maybe...? Oh, thats a waste of time. I'll never be able to have white skin and I know it.
I had 5 classes today, 3 before lunch and 2 after lunch. Science, Math, Language Arts, Spanish and Home Economics. And when no one was looking.. I inched up to the sign up sheet for the Glee Club. There were three names already- Amy Beauregard, Emilynne Peters and *gulp* Elizabeth Cole. Yes, my sister Elizabeth Cole. She already goes to school. So does Felicity, and Julia, of course. If I signed up for Glee Club I would never hear the end of it if I never got it. (and the chances of me not getting in are very great)
But then I remembered how Elizabeth rudely commented on my skin tone in her phone conversation with Kristy the other month. Anger boiled within me, and I took the pen gladly and signed Sonali Beth Matthews with a flower above the "i" in Sonali.
Auditions are tomorrow, but the auditions are for next year's Glee Club. School starts early August. I know, I know, but I was glad. I wouldn't have to wait too long. And then I would have time for the Awards! I grinned. What would I sing? A Glee song, obviously...
I came home from school still thinking about it. Bad Romance? Naw. Jessie's Girl? NO! Hmm... Vogue? No way.
But then I had it.
Don't Stop Believing.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Wheels on the SCHOOL bus go Round and Round
Yay, I'm going to school!
I mean....YAY, I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!
I never realized how much I needed school. Something to keep me occupied, to keep my mind off Bethie (wait, nevermind, thats impossible), to have fun... maybe? It might be a totally awesome experience, OR it could end up terrible and I'll have to be homeschooled.
Well, either way...!
The school year is almost over, but I begged Ruthie to put me in the school right away so I might meet some friends to hang out with over the summer. I am NOT spending a mournful summer without Bethie, let alone without anymore. Not gonna happen.
So she said yes, and I'm going to school...
TOMORROW!
Julia came up to me with a scowl on her face that I would be going to her school, but soon enough she wiped it off and showed me everything I would need in my bag. She even let me borrow some of her lip gloss, which I found very touching, but I immediately snuck it back into her bag. I may want to go to school, but I'm not ready for ... *shudder* lip gloss. Not just yet, at least. Julia told me that since I was her sister I probably wouldn't need to build up a popular reputation, because "you'll be known as Julia's Sister and they will all treat you like royalty."... Thats exactly what she said.
PSHHH. As if.
I plugged in my iPod Touch and clicked on "Jessie's Girl". I jammed out.
I was singing with my heart, "And I'm lookin in the mirror all the time, wonderin what she don't see in me, yeah, I've been funny, I've been cool with lines, aint that the way loves supposed to be?"
And when the song ended (I was rockin' out with air guitar!), I looked up to see Erin in the doorway. She had her mouth gaping open.
"What?" I asked.
"Sonali...." She began.
"You're really good."
I mean....YAY, I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!
I never realized how much I needed school. Something to keep me occupied, to keep my mind off Bethie (wait, nevermind, thats impossible), to have fun... maybe? It might be a totally awesome experience, OR it could end up terrible and I'll have to be homeschooled.
Well, either way...!
The school year is almost over, but I begged Ruthie to put me in the school right away so I might meet some friends to hang out with over the summer. I am NOT spending a mournful summer without Bethie, let alone without anymore. Not gonna happen.
So she said yes, and I'm going to school...
TOMORROW!
Julia came up to me with a scowl on her face that I would be going to her school, but soon enough she wiped it off and showed me everything I would need in my bag. She even let me borrow some of her lip gloss, which I found very touching, but I immediately snuck it back into her bag. I may want to go to school, but I'm not ready for ... *shudder* lip gloss. Not just yet, at least. Julia told me that since I was her sister I probably wouldn't need to build up a popular reputation, because "you'll be known as Julia's Sister and they will all treat you like royalty."... Thats exactly what she said.
PSHHH. As if.
I plugged in my iPod Touch and clicked on "Jessie's Girl". I jammed out.
I was singing with my heart, "And I'm lookin in the mirror all the time, wonderin what she don't see in me, yeah, I've been funny, I've been cool with lines, aint that the way loves supposed to be?"
And when the song ended (I was rockin' out with air guitar!), I looked up to see Erin in the doorway. She had her mouth gaping open.
"What?" I asked.
"Sonali...." She began.
"You're really good."
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Glee Club?
When Bethie mentioned a Glee club, I felt a really strange feeling burning in the bottom of my stomach.
What?
What is this emotion?
JEALOUSY!!
Wow, its so strange to me - I've actually never experienced real jealousy before. REAL jealousy. Its so insane.
I'm jealous because she has a voice.
A life.
A school.
A GLEE CLUB.
I love Glee.... I would die to be able to be in one! My favorite songs are Total Eclipse Of The Heart, The Boy Is Mine, Gives You Hell and Jessie's Girl! I love acting out the emotions of the characters as they sing the song. But I have no voice.
I have no life.
Or no school.
Or no Glee Club.
I told Kirsten I wanted to go to school. I wanted to have a social life! I wanted to have FUN! She nodded eagerly and told Ruthie I wanted to meet people and go to a school as if it was the best thing in the world! I was puzzled for a minute, but then I realized that they were so happy because they thought I had entered depression for eternity and I had made a "miraculous recovery".
Haha, as if. I just want to have a eensy weensy bit of fun.
Maybe I'll go to school?
(WATCH GLEE TONIGHT!!!)
-Sonali
What?
What is this emotion?
JEALOUSY!!
Wow, its so strange to me - I've actually never experienced real jealousy before. REAL jealousy. Its so insane.
I'm jealous because she has a voice.
A life.
A school.
A GLEE CLUB.
I love Glee.... I would die to be able to be in one! My favorite songs are Total Eclipse Of The Heart, The Boy Is Mine, Gives You Hell and Jessie's Girl! I love acting out the emotions of the characters as they sing the song. But I have no voice.
I have no life.
Or no school.
Or no Glee Club.
I told Kirsten I wanted to go to school. I wanted to have a social life! I wanted to have FUN! She nodded eagerly and told Ruthie I wanted to meet people and go to a school as if it was the best thing in the world! I was puzzled for a minute, but then I realized that they were so happy because they thought I had entered depression for eternity and I had made a "miraculous recovery".
Haha, as if. I just want to have a eensy weensy bit of fun.
Maybe I'll go to school?
(WATCH GLEE TONIGHT!!!)
-Sonali
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