All I Ever Wanted

"Go on, Sonali, sing us a song!" The Glee Club kids pleaded.
Annabeth smiled from the back and gave me a thumbs up.
My legs were shaking.
"What song, Sonny?" A girl I had met five minutes ago, named Aimee, said. My head snapped around. Did she just call me 'Sonny'? I shook my head to get my brain back in place. Just ignore her calling you that nickname when she barely knew you. It didn't mean anything.

Annabeth pressed the play button on her iPod. Music boomed in the spacious living room.

All the Glee girls were sitting there, jittery, excited to see a new weakling try to be cool. They looked as if they would pounce if I got a single note wrong.

All I ever wanted, All I ever wanted, Was a simple way to get ov-er you.. All I ever wanted, All I ever wanted, Was an imbetween to escape this desperacy..

Kelly Clarkson. Besides Avril Lavigne, she was a bit of a saviour, in the middle of the dark night when only Bethie appears in my mind.

The girls were rapt. The boys had taken attention. Maybe they were seeing me as a different person. Perhaps, perhaps. I desperately hoped so. Was this an opportunity to get a new life? Hmmm..
The last notes faded.
As I turned away to turn off the music, blushing, I noticed a boy in the back wink at me. I blushed even harder.
"Sonali! You were... amazing!" It seemed Annabeth was having trouble getting the words out. Her lips were tight. "Now let me escort you home.."
But as Annabeth tried to pull me out of the house, a gaggle of Glee club girls, Aimee at the lead, ambushed me. "Sonali! That was amazing! Do you think you could do some Kelly Clarkson at our practices? You're great with the song's emotional depth!"

Compliments were being shot at me from every which way. I didn't know where to turn.
Annabeth shot the girls a look.
"Thank you girls, but Sonali has to be somewhere." Annabeth said dryly, and dragged me outside.

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted...

was you.

-Sonali

Annabeth

There was a knock on the door. I ignored it and kept on reading on the couch, as most people who knock on the door are either Elizabeth or Ruthie's admirers or Elizabeth's followers. I flipped the page. I was about to find out if Carmen would attend her father's wedding when Kirsten called, "Sonali! A pretty girl with blonde hair is here to see you!".

I jumped to my feet, letting my heart hope for a few nanoseconds that maybe it was Bethie, come to say it was all a big mistake. But my feeble hopes were dashed when I saw a different golden-blond girl standing at the door with a bunch of brochures in her hand. As my disappointment faded, I noticed just how beautiful the girl really was. Her hair fell in gentle curls past her shoulders, and her eyes were a gorgeous shade of hazel. I envied her immediately.

"Hey there, I'm here to spread the word about Mariposa Jr. High's Glee Club!" She said with much enthusiasm, waving a brochure around as if it would emphasize what she said.
My mouth dropped open.
"Oh, goodie!" Kirsten started before I could stop her. "Our little Sonali here is joining Glee Club in the fall." Kirsten smiled so proudly, I felt like hugging her, in spite of my major embarrassment.
"Oh!" The girl's mouth also dropped open. "So you're Sonali? I've heard so much about you! Well, our Glee Club is rivaling at Sectionals against two other Junior High's and we'd love it if you could root for us!" By now the girl was talking straight at Kirsten and the gathered sisters behind her. "Any donations we could put towards costumes, effects, or stage upgrades would be very appreciated. Thank you!"

The girl turned away from Kirsten and very surprisingly started pulling me outside.
"Wait!" Liz called to the girl.
The girl turned back to the house. "...Yes?"
Liz stumbled out the door. "What about me? Did you hear anything about me? I'm in Glee Club, too!"
Annabeth stepped back. "Um.. yeah. Yeah I did."
Then she quickly kept pulling me till Liz was out of sight.

"My name is Annabeth." She grinned. I never noticed how dazzling white her teeth were.
"My name is .. my name is.." I stumbled.
"Your name is Sonali? Yeah, I know." She laughed. She had a nice laugh, like the tinkling of bells.
I nodded.
"Well, the Glee Club is having a gathering at my house at 3:00 P.M. tomorrow, since we can't use the school during summer break - we have to keep practicing, even on vacation, if we want to beat the rival teams and make it to Sectionals!"
"That was a mouthful." I said, then instantly regretted it. Why did I say that?!
Annabeth laughed again. "So... will you come?"
I nodded.
She grinned, then turned to go. But apparently she had forgotten another thing, because she turned right back around to me and whispered, "And I want you to sing for me. At my house. At the gathering. We Glee Clubbers need to know each other's strengths."

And with that, she skipped off, leaving me dazed and clueless, standing stupidly in the backyard.

-Sonali

This Can't Be Happening

Since I won`t be posting blogs for the next 4 or 5 days, I better update you before I go temporarily M.I.A...

Good weather doesn't last forever. This morning we woke up to gray skies, clouds covering every square inch of the sky, and - oh look its raining. What a perfect day for Grace to go to camp. All the dolls are sitting innocently, but we all know Kit has a party planned. She always does.

Grace has to bring a sit-upon, a sleeping bag, an extra blanket, a Thermarest, a hat, 5 pairs of underwear, 3 long pants, 2 long sleeve shirts, 5 T-shirts, bugspray, sunscreen, 5 pairs of socks, a bathing suit, toothpaste, toothbrush, brush, washcloth, snacks for the others, a hoodie, a warm fleece, a pillow, a book, a flashlight... UGH. The list goes on and on. And the worst part? Everything is strewn everywhere.
I was trying to get up from underneath a mound of T-shirts when Erin came over with a fierce look in her eyes.
"Hey.. Erin...Whats...Up?" I managed to squeak as the sleeping bag rolled on top of me. "Darn it..." I muttered under my breath.
"Um, can we talk? Outside?" Erin hesitated.
I laughed. "If you help me get up first."
Erin smiled dryly and helped me up. She held her hands behind her back as she hurried outside. What was bothering her?

5 minutes later we were sitting outside on a patch of grass. Erin fumbled, trying to tie two grass strands together. We were silent.
"Soooo.. Um, Nali..." Erin started.
I turned to her in interest.
"I.. I don't think Bethie.. uhh... well... Ruthie..." Erin huffed impatiently at her own words, then got up and walked away.
I sat there.
Two minutes later she came back with her very own purple laptop from Dell. She had a browser up - it was Bethie's blog.
"I..I.. I still have Bethie's blog on my computer. Go ahead, read." She said.
I stared at the screen hungrily, and in a few seconds I was deep into her latest post.

"Wha..wha..how could..." My eyes were full of hurt and my mouth was wide open.
Erin nodded meekly.
Bethie's blog was full of posts about Ruthie. How could all this happen in 3 days? The blog banner was changed to a photo of Ruthie and Bethie. The blog name changed from "Just Me Again Down Here" to "Sisterhood Of Bethie and Ruthie". The posts were full of mushy goodness about all the fun they were having.
And the worst part was, down at the bottom of the latest post, Bethie had typed the words; "I don't even know why I was so down about Sonali. Ruthie is much much better. And plus -- (I could just imagine the evil giggling here) Ruthie is right here, not in... *puke* Canada!

Sincerely,
Elizabeth

WHOA. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. Bethie is BETHIE. Not ELIZABETH. What is this crud!?

Erin was watching me, eyes full of sorrow and her mouth twisted to the side. Except it didn't seem she was so sad because Bethie had abandoned me. It seemed as if she were sorry, for some unknown bad deed she had done.

I shook my head rapidly to clear my thoughts. What was happening?

Little did I know Elizabeth was staring out of the trees from the side, an evil smirk upon her face. But alas, her eyes filled with sorrow, just like Erin's...

-Sonali

Sunny Side Up

The weather is hot, we're out of popsicles, and everyone is complaining.

Ahh, the normal joyous symptoms of summer.
I've been spending my days so far sitting around, licking ice cream cones and reading blog posts. Would you call that lazy? Because I call that L-A-Z-YYYYY.
But to spoil my summer break, all I can think about is that darn gorgeous RUTHIE. Since a certain Liz blocked Beth's blog from my computer a few days ago, we're still figuring out how to get it back and I am in a major Just Me Again Down Here-withdrawal and it sucks. So I have no idea what is going on, and I am just DYING to know what that Ruthie is up to now. I bet she's going all sweet on Bethie and sending Julie emails full of love.

Gah.
What is going on inside me?
I'm not normally a hateful person.
As I said, gah.

Ruthie's been handing out popsicles like theres no tomorrow, and Julia has been begging Erin to lend her the bathing suit so she can go...well... bathing, or tanning, for lack of a better word. But Erin wags her finger and says, "Tut, tut, Julia, didn't you know tanning can give you skin cancer?" and walks away. And then other times she will say "NO!" to Julia and then walk over to me or Chrissa and say, "Would you like to borrow the grande bathing suit?" in an english accent, kinda like a british butler, and that just sets Julia on fire.
School's out, and now I have a whole summer to improve my singing before Glee Club starts. I'm a little sharp - so Ruthie, who has years of voice training but doesn't like to sing in public (only for pleasure), is giving me lessons.

I hope Bethie gets to come this summer. And she can bring Ruthie along. And we can set up the two-people tent in the backyard and bring our flashlights so we can joke around with scary stories. And Ruthie can see how close we are. :)

-Sonali

Change

Since Grace put away half our doll room into the closet (I know, I know, it sucks), we have to divvy up the beds and furniture more carefully.
Julia unwillingly gave up her gorgeous bed (temporarily) to Chrissa, Erin, and I. If you ask me, I'm sorta uncomfortable. Since Chrissa and Erin are the two "it" best friends now, they're going to have all their inside jokes, and giggles, and art projects, and blueprints, and I'm going to have nothing to contribute in their crazy conversations.
I checked up on our new room this afternoon to find THIS:



It was as if they had known all along that we'd move in together, and already had all the plans and arrangements ready! Jeesh. Not that the room isn't absolutely fantabulous, though.


Later, whilst sitting on my new but not new at the same time bed, I opened my laptop to check my emails. There was one from Bethie, and I squealed. But as I read through it, a ball of jealousy started in the pit of my stomach. Gah. I had wished all my life to be with Bethie, and this Ruthie chicki gets exactly what I want in a nanosecond? How unfair. But of all people, I should already have learned that life is unfair. But when I looked at Bethie's latest blog, and saw she was looking forward to a "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful friendship" with Ruthie Luna, I felt like punching the computer screen. I have never gotten to be there to hug Bethie, or to help her through her troubles, or to laugh at boys with her... so why does Ruthie get to?


So not fair.

Oops, here come Erin and Chrissa. I should go greet them. Did you know they both joke around, calling each other "Lady Artemis" all the time, because of their hate for boys? Artemis is a Greek Goddess who vowed never to be married, date a boy, or use boys, or whatever. Thats so... weird.

-Sonali

Monster

The house was silent.
Kit was sitting in on the couch, her hand under her chin, deep in thought.
Ruthie stood in the middle of the room, looking around.
Kirsten and Julia sat beside each other on an opposite couch, staring at nothing, hands folded on their laps.
Felicity sat criss-cross-applesauce with Erin and Chrissa on the rug.
I hugged my knees on the lazy chair.
Elizabeth looked out the window at the other end of the room.

All was quiet.

"Um.." Ruthie started. "So I guess..."
But thats where her sentence ended. We all knew what was silencing us all, but nobody wanted to say it.

Kit stood up. "I have.. to walk the dog." And then she slowly left, clicked Grace's leash to her collar and hurried away.
"I have orange cookies to wash." Felicity blurted, then ran away.
"Y-y-yeah, I gotta scrub the family peacock." Chrissa said, then grabbed Erin's hand and they skipped away sadly. Is it possible, to skip sadly? Whatever.

Everyone left, one by one, until it was only me and Elizabeth, at opposite ends of the room. Elizabeth refused to turn away from the window. She put her hands up to the glass and I swear I saw a tear trickle down her cheek.
"What have I become, Sonali?" She said quietly, voice full of sorrow and regret.
"I..I don't know." I said. I got up gently, and tip toed over to Liz's chair next to the window. I sat down beside her awkwardly. "Um..." I mumbled.
"I'm so sorry, Sonali." Liz said. "I just.. I don't.. " She put her head in her hands. Tears trickled down her cheeks.
"Its okay. Its all good." I hugged her.

Spotlight IS on me.... :O

I sat behind the mirror, my stomach doing somersaults.
This was really happening.
I was about to sing in front of Emma's family, Bethie's family (which consists of 11 dolls, might I remind you), MY family... I had been dreaming about proving to my family that I had a purpose for so many nights, I had imagined myself opening the curtain and introducing myself in grandeur, in a beautiful dress that was never forgotten.

But I couldn't get myself to move an inch, squeak a word, sing a line. Nothing.

"Sonny! Time to shine!" Bethie cried, rushing in and fussing with my hair. I sat there in front of the mirror, not moving. I couldn't.
"Ahh, I see." Bethie cooed. "Its okay, I was this nervous before my first performance. But you'll love it, I promise!" She heard Ruthie calling then made a final tug with my hair and hurried off, calling, "Toodles! I have to go now, but I know you'll do great!" She blew an air kiss then hurried off to her seat.
I gulped.

Finally I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I looked as if I had just come straight out of a Glee performance. Seriously.




I twirled a piece of my hair, going over the song in my mind.
It took a lot of courage, but I finally stood up, convinced that I was ready.

I swished open the red curtains. I faced an audience of people who I had dreamed and dreamed of showing that I could sing. A dose of energy flared in my chest and I suddenly couldn't wait to start.
"Hi, hello, hey." I waved feebly, barely gripping the mike. "I'm Sonali, and this is my performance for my beautiful sister Ruthie's Award Show." At this I gestured to the now blushing Ruthie. "I hope you enjoy!" And with that, I turned around, back to the audience. The beginning notes began to play.

"I am in love, with what we are... not what we should be. And I am, I am starstruck, with every part of this whole story. So if its just tonight, the animal inside, let it live and die! Like its the end of time, like everything inside, let it live and die!"

Animal by Ke$ha blared on the speakers. It was dramatic. Suspenseful.

I spun. I did the best dancing I could, I'm not that strong of a dancer. But I think I got the message across to the audience.

"This is our last chance, give me your hands, cause our world is spinning at the speed of light! The night is fading, heart is racing..."
I grinned at Bethie. She was pumping her fist in the air. It was everything I hoped it would be.

Liz was staring at me though my head was on fire. I bet she WISHED my head were on fire right then. Because I had just won.

I hit the last notes. The audience burst into applause. But it was too much for me. I ran off the stage blushing and ran into my room and locked the door.
How could I have thought that I was being 'professional'? That was so embarrassing. They probably thought I was a little kid who thought I could make it big time. I hid my face in my pillow.

There was a knock on my door.
"Sonali's not here." I said, muffled by the pillow.
"Its me." Emma gently opened the door, closed it behind her, and sat down beside me on the bed. She smiled.
I lifted my head and frowned. "Have you come to tell me Liz should have sang?"
"Haha, you're funny." Emma shook her head, laughing. "You were amazing, Sonny. They loved you! I can't believe you didn't soak it in. Whenever I perform, I make the most of it. Get back out there. They want to see you."
Before I could respond, Emma has pushed me through the door and was propelling me to the stage. I was rubbing my eyes, wondering what was happening, so I didn't notice a woman coming up to me and accidentally bumped into her.
"Sonali!" Ms. Pike smiled.
"Uh oh..." I said under my breath.
"Uh oh? Not so! You were wonderful." Ms. Pike beamed.
I blushed and tried to hide behind Em. She moved before I could hide my face in her shoulder. She winked at me and left.
"Um..." I fidgeted. "Why are you here, Ms. Pike?"
"I came to see what the buzz was about. And after hearing you sing, I have made a last-minute decision. I want you to join the Glee Club." She grinned so wide I swear it was like an elastic band stretching around a basketball [a basketball that was much prettier and sweeter and better at singing - do basketballs sing, anyway?!].

-Sonali

Take that, Elizabeth!

It might sound like a cruel title, but its true.

I got revenge. La la la la la. :D

Soon after Elizabeth hung up on Kristy, Ruthie stomped over to the living room couch and demanded to know exactly what was happening between Liz and Kristy. Liz gasped in shock and looked around wildly - when she saw me smirking she knew. She must have known. Because she narrowed her eyes and cried, "YOU!" threateningly. I just smiled.

"Elizabeth, you have been a terrible person lately... to everyone. Your sisters, me, Bethie, even YOUR BEST FRIEND." I pointed at Felicity, who was sitting off to the side, arms wrapped around her knees. "You needed this."

Liz looked around in defeat. "But...but..."

"No buts, Elizabeth Lee Cole. You almost demolished Sonali's life and Bethie's as well, not to mention. How could you listen to Kristy like that? We can not have people like this in our house. If you think that you are going to be a terrible person, I'm going to have to ask you to move in with Kristy."

I gasped.
Elizabeth squirmed, then stomped off to her room.









Awards are tomorrow.

Spotlight On Me? Think Again.

I stood there, my mouth gaping open as Elizabeth showed Ruthie her whole presentation on 'Why Sonali Should Not Sing At The Awards'.

I wouldn't have originally been so surprised. But I was surprised because Liz's presentation has good reason.
"Sonali is the one in the AGMA." Elizabeth was saying. "She is in Grace's YouTube background, she is Grace's YouTube icon, and she has the most photos of herself on Flickr. She has a blog, and everyone adores her. Why should she be able to sing, too? She has loads of spotlight already." Liz sent me a nasty smirk as she said the last line.
Ruthie fidgeted. She was obviously seeing some sense in Elizabeth's presentation. I frowned and walked away silently to my room. I needed to be alone.

Was it true? Was I actually stealing the spotlight? Because if I was, I never realized it. Was I the star of the family? I had eventually had enough sense to realize I was one of Grace's favorite dolls - but I never thought I was a star, in that way. Elizabeth's speech took me by total surprise and sent me into a state of shock.

But I shook my head to clear my brain. I needed to sing at the Awards. The very thought of belting out a song in front of an audience in Ruthie's honour made my body shudder with excitement. I was not going to let Elizabeth steal that chance from me, the chance to prove to my family that I wasn't dull and that I had a purpose.
But .... but.... but how? How could I stop Liz?


Later that day Erin, Gracelynne, Emma, Bethie, and the two Kit's had found out of Elizabeth's evil plan. I could tell that some of them were agreeing with her words in their minds, even though they couldn't admit it out loud. But I could deal with that later. Right now, all I wanted to do was be able to sing.
"So first.. this is what you do, Grace..." The Kit's were going over a plan with us. We all nodded vigorously and got ready for the first step of action. I rushed off to Kristy's room that she shared with Liz. I searched the desk. It had to be there... it had to be there... I had to believe that. Finally, my hands came across the list I'd been looking for: Kristy's Pure Torture List.

I handed it to the Kit's and they raced to Ruthie's room. They laid the list on her bedside table, and my sister Kit used a very accurate imitation of Kirsten's voice to draw Ruthie's attention to her room.
Soon after, Ruthie was in her room reading the list, unaware of us watching, and when we were convinced Ruthie understood what the list meant, we tiptoed off. Bethie took Liz and Kristy's cellphones out of their room and laid Elizabeth's right next to where she sat on the living room couch, and then Kristy's cellphone right next to where she sat at the kitchen table.

Kristy spied her cellphone first, and quickly was talking to Liz about her Pure Torture List and Pure Torture Plan. Little did they know, there were baby monitors in both rooms, transmitting all the things they said to a baby monitor set up in Ruthie's room, where she was still reading the list, letting it all soak in.

"So how is the plan going, Kristy?" Liz said, giggling.
"Oh, fine fine... Did you get Ruthie to give you the performance?"
"YES!" Liz squealed.
I flinched.
"Next thing to do is fill Bethie's stomach with sugar and pop, and get her to spill some dirt on Sonali -- and make sure you record it. Remember, this is just in case Ruthie decides to give Sonny the performance AGAIN... that way you can depress Sonali enough so she won't be able to perform." Kristy snickered.
"Okay, okay - gotta go. I think I hear Ruthie coming." Liz said, and quickly hung up.

Get Down On It

I shouldn't be letting Glee get to me, because I'm wasting my time with two awesome people wishing fate had let my life be different. I wish I could stop thinking about that neon pink list, but I just can't.

The fact that Glee's (the real show) season finale was amazing and looked awesome to film didn't help at all. It just made me want Glee Club even more. I sang at Beth's club, and that was amazing, but it didn't have the satisfaction of showing Liz how well a black girl can sing.

Bethie and Emma are great morale support - and I believe in them. :)
I just wish I could believe their words, too.

COUNTDOWN TO AWARDS: ONE DAY!


-Sonali

Beth's "Believing"

So yeah... not a big deal, I only just flew all the way to Ohio to hear Beth sing for a huge 400 people audience... no biggy....

But yeah.
SHE WAS AMAZING. Better than I've ever seen. Better than me, for sure. And guess what?! Emma's here, too! I actually almost died of smiling when I saw her running to join us to board the plane here. It was such a moment.

Emma and Bethie just went off to get us some ice cream, so I have a moment to blog. I never ever thought Bethie would be so amazing. Of course I thought she was real good, but for a minute there I swear she was Lea Michele from Glee (she plays Rachel). My mouth was gaping open for so long that I could have actually caught flies, and Liz couldn't resist reminding me so.

Emma's great and I'm so glad she's here, but I'm waiting for a minute to talk to Beth about Glee, and all that shmuck, and even maybe Kristy's plot... Em, Beth & I have plans to go dress shopping for the Awards together. I am so excited.



But deep inside, I wish I had been up on that stage with Beth.
But its never going to happen.
Because I'm just not good enough and I can't live the fairytale performer life like my friends.


-Sonali

Ruthie Has Something To Say

We were all gathered in the living room, and Ruthie was staring around excitedly with a clipboard.
"The awards are this weekend!" Ruthie claimed. Everyone looked around, confused. "I am SO sorry it took so long...." Ruthie blushed. "But I finally have everything under way! If you are confused on the people you can vote for on different categories, search Sonali's blog for a post where she described all the categories."

I blushed at that part and looked at my hands. I could feel my sisters' eyes boring into my back.

"And..." Ruthie was saying. "I've thought very deeply about this, and I think Sonali should sing her own song of choice as an opening act!"

I dropped my needle. The pillow I was embroidering (with the help of Kirsten) clattered to the ground. Me? Sing? Ruthie could not have just said that... it must have been Elizabeth, but she said the wrong name. But Ruthie was nodding excitedly, pointing at ME. My mouth gaped open.
"Oh please, you'll catch flies with your mouth open like that." Elizabeth sneered, and stomped off furiously. I felt terrible, immediately my stomach filled with guilt.

But then my brain let it all soak in.
OH MY GOD, I WAS SINGING AT THE AWARDS!!!
I did a little jump of joy then skipped off to my room.

As I closed the door to my room softly so I could privately rock out to Glee songs, I heard Ruthie ending the family meeting with "Awards this Saturday! Go find your dresses, girls!"

-Sonali

Don't Stop Believing Pt. 2

I ran up to the list, crossing my fingers. If Erin had been enrolled in school as well, she would have been behind me hugging me for good luck.

The list was a neon pink sheet of paper with bland typewriter printing. GLEE CLUB RESULTS were printed bravely at the top. I squirmed to the front of the crowd.
I read off names... James Harty, Noah Alwoods, Ellen Sanders .... I squealed as I read Bridgette's name. But the list was almost done, and I hadn't seen my name yet. There were a few more names, and my heart was sinking as I read the very last name, almost all hope vanished.

The last name was ELIZABETH COLE, right there, staring at me, straight in the face. Elizabeth had made it, and I hadn't. How in the name of blogging did she even make it to the final auditions? She's terrible. Wait.... oh I can't lie. Elizabeth is actually an amazing singer, and I was just afraid to admit it. No wonder I didn't get in.

I slowly made the walk of doom down the hallway and out of the school. Before I knew it, my feet were walking me towards the sea. I closed my eyes and inhaled as the comforting smell of sea salt met my senses. Maybe some people hated that smell, but I thought it was soothing. I immediately sat down and felt at peace. But underneath all that calming shmuck, my brain was stirring and my insides were burning. I had wanted to be in the Glee Club so badly. I wanted a purpose. How could I ever have even thought maybe I had a destiny? That I had a PURPOSE? I'm useless. I have no talent. My eyes narrowed as I sat down in a criss-cross-applesauce position.

My mouth was forming the words to Don't Stop Believing, and a frown crossed my face as I remembered the whole Glee experience.

The only words that were on my mind all day were:

I didn't make the Glee Club.

-Sonali

Don't Stop Believing Pt. 1

The Glee Club director, Mrs. Pike called my name from inside the audition room. I got up from the gang of singers practicing their songs in the waiting room and went inside. The lights were dim and it took a minute to adjust to the light. But there on the other side of the room was Mrs. Pike, sitting there in an orange and green striped shirt with a polka dotted vest. I liked Mrs. Pike a lot, she was funky and free-going. Plus she had an AH-MAZ-ING voice.

"What will you be singing today, Sonali?" Mrs. Pike said softly.
"Don't....Don't Stop Believing." I was surprised I even managed to get the words out of my mouth in her presence.
"What a beautiful song! Go right ahead, take your time." She shuffled her papers, preparing to jot notes about my singing.
I squirmed. I fidgeted. And I fumbled around in my brain to find the words to the song. "Oh, um..." I mumbled. How did the song start again?!
But I was still figuring it out when the piano man started to play the intro. OH GOD, I thought.
"Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world..." The words coming out of my mouth sounded feeble. I readied myself. I had to impress Mrs. Pike.

"The smell of wine and cheap perfume! For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on.. strangers, waiting! Up and down the boulevard! Shadows searching in the ni-ight...."

I kept on singing until the end. By the time the song was over, I was breathless. Mrs. Pike raised one eyebrow and said, "That was beautiful, Sonali Beth. Please come back tomorrow at 4:30."

So the day after, I arrived at the auditorium thinking I had made the Glee Club. Nooooot exaaactlyyy. 20 boys and 20 girls were lined up against the stage. I joined the group of girls, all giggling nervously. They had no idea who I was.

A girl came up to me and smiled. "Hi, I'm Bridgette." She had caramel hair and eyes the color of heather. I smiled back. "I'm Sonali." I said.
"Is this your first time auditioning?" I asked Bridgette.
"No, I've been in the Glee Club for a year now, Mrs. Pike usually -"

But Bridgette was cut off as Mrs. Pike explained that she wanted us to work together to sing Give Up The Funk, all the boys AND all the girls. During the song I was pushed and shoved along by the others as I tried to do the choreography. Some of the others sounded WAAY better than me, and I spotted Bridgette singing beautifully. I faltered on the last note.
"Beautiful, everyone. I will have the results up tomorrow." And with that, Mrs. Pike fluttered out of the auditorium, leaving us all there standing like morons.

Don't Stop Believing

Y'know that reputation that Julia promised me?
Well, yeah, um... I didn't get it.

I walked down the halls. Everyone stared. And you know what? Almost everyone was white. How badly I wished as I searched for my classrooms that I was pretty. That I had white skin, maybe...? Oh, thats a waste of time. I'll never be able to have white skin and I know it.

I had 5 classes today, 3 before lunch and 2 after lunch. Science, Math, Language Arts, Spanish and Home Economics. And when no one was looking.. I inched up to the sign up sheet for the Glee Club. There were three names already- Amy Beauregard, Emilynne Peters and *gulp* Elizabeth Cole. Yes, my sister Elizabeth Cole. She already goes to school. So does Felicity, and Julia, of course. If I signed up for Glee Club I would never hear the end of it if I never got it. (and the chances of me not getting in are very great)
But then I remembered how Elizabeth rudely commented on my skin tone in her phone conversation with Kristy the other month. Anger boiled within me, and I took the pen gladly and signed Sonali Beth Matthews with a flower above the "i" in Sonali.

Auditions are tomorrow, but the auditions are for next year's Glee Club. School starts early August. I know, I know, but I was glad. I wouldn't have to wait too long. And then I would have time for the Awards! I grinned. What would I sing? A Glee song, obviously...

I came home from school still thinking about it. Bad Romance? Naw. Jessie's Girl? NO! Hmm... Vogue? No way.


But then I had it.

Don't Stop Believing.

The Wheels on the SCHOOL bus go Round and Round

Yay, I'm going to school!
I mean....YAY, I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!

I never realized how much I needed school. Something to keep me occupied, to keep my mind off Bethie (wait, nevermind, thats impossible), to have fun... maybe? It might be a totally awesome experience, OR it could end up terrible and I'll have to be homeschooled.

Well, either way...!

The school year is almost over, but I begged Ruthie to put me in the school right away so I might meet some friends to hang out with over the summer. I am NOT spending a mournful summer without Bethie, let alone without anymore. Not gonna happen.
So she said yes, and I'm going to school...
TOMORROW!

Julia came up to me with a scowl on her face that I would be going to her school, but soon enough she wiped it off and showed me everything I would need in my bag. She even let me borrow some of her lip gloss, which I found very touching, but I immediately snuck it back into her bag. I may want to go to school, but I'm not ready for ... *shudder* lip gloss. Not just yet, at least. Julia told me that since I was her sister I probably wouldn't need to build up a popular reputation, because "you'll be known as Julia's Sister and they will all treat you like royalty."... Thats exactly what she said.

PSHHH. As if.

I plugged in my iPod Touch and clicked on "Jessie's Girl". I jammed out.

I was singing with my heart, "And I'm lookin in the mirror all the time, wonderin what she don't see in me, yeah, I've been funny, I've been cool with lines, aint that the way loves supposed to be?"
And when the song ended (I was rockin' out with air guitar!), I looked up to see Erin in the doorway. She had her mouth gaping open.

"What?" I asked.
"Sonali...." She began.

"You're really good."

Glee Club?

When Bethie mentioned a Glee club, I felt a really strange feeling burning in the bottom of my stomach.

What?
What is this emotion?
JEALOUSY!!
Wow, its so strange to me - I've actually never experienced real jealousy before. REAL jealousy. Its so insane.

I'm jealous because she has a voice.
A life.
A school.
A GLEE CLUB.

I love Glee.... I would die to be able to be in one! My favorite songs are Total Eclipse Of The Heart, The Boy Is Mine, Gives You Hell and Jessie's Girl! I love acting out the emotions of the characters as they sing the song. But I have no voice.

I have no life.
Or no school.
Or no Glee Club.

I told Kirsten I wanted to go to school. I wanted to have a social life! I wanted to have FUN! She nodded eagerly and told Ruthie I wanted to meet people and go to a school as if it was the best thing in the world! I was puzzled for a minute, but then I realized that they were so happy because they thought I had entered depression for eternity and I had made a "miraculous recovery".

Haha, as if. I just want to have a eensy weensy bit of fun.


Maybe I'll go to school?
(WATCH GLEE TONIGHT!!!)

-Sonali